The Ripping of the Heart
by mandyTbickerson
Summary: My take on how Helen reacts to finding out that John is the Ripper. I don't think it needs a T rating, but just to be safe :
1. Denial

**I wrote this first chapter several months ago. I just found it on my computer, so I think I'll continue it :) If there are any spelling/grammatical errors I apologize. **

***Disclaimer: Sanctuary and it's character do not and will never belong to me***

**Enjoy :)**

She sat in silence waiting for his return. She sat with her long hair strewn down, untamed. Her usually sparkling, blue eyes slightly red with denial. She sat in _his_ chair, hoping that it may offer her some comfort. Willing it to tell her that it was not true. Hoping that this was a cruel joke that her so called friends were playing on her.

_She walked into the familiar room to see three of her best friends staring at her. She stopped and smiled._

"_Have I not properly dressed myself today, or have the three of you lost all sense of self-restraint and taken to openly show the desire you all share for me?" She said this, waiting for them to realize themselves and laugh at her not untrue joke. It was common knowledge that the four men she spent most of her time with, were in love with her._

"_Honestly, what is the mater with the three of you? Has John told you something about us, because I assure you it is all true." She hoped again for some comic relief to this very strange scene before her. However, at the mention of John's name the reaction was not one of humor. Nigel's eyes shifted slightly. Nikola continued to stare at her, now with a look of sympathy. (Which was very unsettling to her because Nikola was quite self-absorbed) James looked away and walked to a chair and sat down, still not looking at her. His reaction surprised her most of all. James was always the rational one. The one who was always in control of his actions, often to the displeasure of his colleagues. John was the man she loved, but James was her best friend._

"_James, has something happened?" She tried to keep the panic out of her voice. Silence."Where's John?" Again she was met by only silence. She could no longer keep the panic away. "Where's John?" She said again this time more demanding._

"_It's him." James' voice sounded hoarse and empty. "It's him." He repeated._

_She approached his chair. There was a terrible feeling welling up inside of her._

"_Who?" She asked gently. _

_For the first time James seemed to realize that Helen was there._

"_Helen. I am so sorry. I do not know how I could not see it. I studied the facts over and over again. They were- they were so brutal." Each word he spoke seemed to be causing him pain. "I poured my soul into the Ripper case. I swore that I would find the bastard responsible. But I never-" He stopped again._

"_James, you are scaring me. Have you solved the Ripper case?" He nodded slowly. The feeling was getting worse. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears. She did not want to ask her next question but knew that she had no choice._

"_Wh-Who is it" She did not mean to stutter._

"_I talked to John every night about the case. He offered his insights. He taunted me for not being able to solve this like I usually did. He blinded me. I was blind because I never imagined that the man I hunted so ferociously was the man I called my best friend." He looked at Helen's face. Her dazzling blue eyes full of confusion and denial. _

_All she could was stare at him. 'How could he tell such lies about his best friend', she thought. Then against her will, her mind put the pieces together. His late nights. His mood swings. The blood she had found on one his shirts that had been excused away by a bloody nose. The way he looked at her when she mentioned the murders. At first she had thought it one of sympathy towards James' futile efforts to find the killer, but now she recognized the emotion as pride. She let a small gasp as the truth showed itself. The man she loved. The man she was to be married to. John. Her John, was Jack the Ripper._

"_It's him" James repeated a third a time. He got to his feet. He made to embrace her._

"_Stop it!" She yelled at him, pushing him away. "Stop lying!" She started hitting him. "Stop it! Ju-just STOP! It is NOT true! I think I would know if the man I loved was a murderer!" She pulled herself out of his reach and walked to the fireplace. She was gasping for breath. She tried to get her emotions under control. "It's not him. You are mistaken." Even as she spoke the words, she knew they were not true. John was the Ripper. She could not deny it. Her denial had built a dam, now that the dam was broken she could no longer hold back the tears. She dropped to her knees in defeat and sobbed._

_James gave a look to Nigel and Nikola, who had been watching uncertainly. All they could was watch as a best friend and a lover both realized that their world was being ripped apart. As they watched Helen, the woman who was so strong and in control of everything, lose everything. With a look from James, the two men left knowing that neither could offer any kind of comfort. There would be no comfort, all they could do was grieve together over a mutual loss._

_When Nikola and Nigel had left, James walked to where Helen sobbed. He knelt beside her and pulled her into an embrace. It was not just for her. He needed someone too. As he felt Helen's great gasps and tears, he gave in and let the tears silently fall against Helen's golden locks._

The memory brought fresh tears. She wiped them away and brought her knee up to her chest, longing for something that did not make her so lonely. She wished that he would hurry up.

_Hours after Helen and James were having tea. Helen had stopped crying, although the evidence was still there in the form of red, swollen eyes. Few words had been spoken and now they sat in silence sipping at tea that neither really wanted. Helen was the one who broke the silence. She sat her tea down and stood up. "I think I will be leaving now. John will be home soon and-" _

_James had also stood up. "What? Helen you cannot honestly be thinking of seeing him. He is a mur-"_

"_I am well aware of what you think my fiancee is Dr. Watson." She knew she hurt him when she used his title. "However, I would like to offer him the benefit of the doubt before I go around accusing him of such vicious crimes." She knew she was being unfair. She knew that everything James had said was true. But her heart need to hear it from him. She did not care what James or anyone else thought. She knew it was ridiculous but she loved him. And love was a very powerful emotion. One that even the amazing Helen Magnus could not fight. Ignoring James' protests she turned and left the room._

The memory was interrupted by the sound of a key turning in a lock. New panic was welling inside her. He was here. Her heart started pounding as she rushed to make everything look normal for him. She wiped her eyes again and tried to put on a happy face as the handle to the room turned...

**So... what do you think?**


	2. Faking it

**Sorry for the wait. I had a lot going on the last month or so. I just found no motivation to do anything. I should be back to updating this and my other Sanctuary story. Here's the 2nd chapter. I'm not exactly sure where this going. (I started it a while ago and forgot, oops) Thanks for reading :)**

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><p>John always teleported in front of the house. He knew that it would be much easier to just teleport into the house. But he was already enough of a monster. He wanted as much normal in his life as he find. It was one of the few nights he was home on time. This was because he had not taken part in his extra curricular activities tonight. He knew that James knew. And he knew that James would tell them all as soon as his own denial had worn off. He hoped that it had not happened yet. He wanted one more night. One more night before the woman he loves left him forever. Before he hurt her in a way that caused even the monster within to feel sympathy.<p>

John put his key into the lock and walked in. He could feel the monster inside him. It wanted blood. It always wanted blood. Blood, violence, suffering... He had not killed those women. It was it. The thing inside him. It took control of his actions and all John could do was watch from inside his body as the monster committed terrible acts of violence.

He paused before opening the door to the room that he knew she would be in. He paused to gain control of himself. He forced the monster down, deep inside him. He forced his look of sorrow and pain into one of fake happiness. He smiled and walked through the door.

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><p>She tried to maintain her composure. She tried with all her might. But as soon as she saw his face, she felt her emotions threaten to expose her true feelings. She smiled and tried to speak some sort of greeting, but all that came out was a small sob.<p>

John's look of happiness was replaced by one of concern. He walked forward to comfort her. "What's wrong, my love." He asked gently. His voice was so calm and sincere. It confused Helen's emotions. How could such a kind, gentle, and caring man be a monster responsible for the death of seven women. He caught her in a warm embrace. For a moment she just sat there, in his arms. In that moment she did not care what James and the others thought. This was John. Her John. Then she thought of the women. She had read about the murders in the paper. Throats slit. Blood everywhere. A faceless man grabbing a woman. Bringing a small blade to her throat. She recognized them. The woman was her. The man was John.

She gasped aloud and pulled out of his arms. She felt nauseous. She ran to the garbage and emptied the contents of her stomach. He was beside her again. A hand on her back. She stood up and faced him. When she looked at him there was no warmth, no happiness, there wasn't even anger. Her face reflected exactly how she felt; hurt, sad, and heartbroken. She took a step backwards. His face changed from one of concern, to understanding. She knew.

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><p>Jack. That's what they called him. Jack. They had named the monster within him like it was a pet. He referred to it only as a monster. It deserved nothing better. It was nothing better.<p>

John looked down for a moment. He had known she would one day find out. He just hoped he had been wrong. He began to lose control. That's what the monster was waiting for. He felt it take over. His concern for Helen was replaced by a lust to feel her blood on his hands. Helen was in danger. She was going to die. He was going to kill her...


	3. Jack takes control

Helen was now standing about 5 feet from John. She was paralyzed. She looked into his eyes. But they weren't John's eyes. They were different. They were evil, murderous. She was no longer looking at the man she loved. Jack was in control now. She saw his hand reach into his coat, then pull out a small knife. She knew what was going to happen and decided that she wasn't going to just sit there, helpless, and let that monster kill her. She knew she did not stand a chance against John physically, no, she had to get away from him. She carefully eyed the door to the room. Unfortunately, the only way to the door was through John. No, not John, Jack. She slowly took one step to her left. He was too close, she would never make it. She took another step. _Why hadn't he attacked yet?_ She was now 10 feet from the door. _What was he waiting for?_

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><p>John saw the terror in Helen's face. He felt his hand pull out the knife responsible for shedding so much blood. He saw Helen's eyes look around. She was going to try and escape. <em>That's the Helen Magnus I know and love.<em> The thing was about to attack. John used every bit of strength he had to stop the thing. If he could use his voice he would have screamed at Helen to get out. He would stop the attack for as long as he could, but he knew from experience that the thing was stronger than him. Helen was getting closer to the door. He could feel the anger building inside him. He wasn't going to last much longer. Just a few more steps. Her hand was on the doorknob when the thing took back control. He felt his body lunge forward and grab Helen, knocking her to the ground.

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><p>She was going to make it. By some miracle the monster had not attacked and she was actually going to escape. She knew that John was fighting it. She could see it in his eyes. She had reached the door. Just as she was about to turn the knob and run, she felt something grab her leg, causing her to lose her balance and fall to the ground.<p>

John pulled her toward him by her leg. She tried to kick him so she could get away, but he had her arms and legs pinned to the ground. She started to scream in the hopes that someone might hear her, but before she could, John's fist had slammed into her face. She tasted blood in her mouth.

He grabbed her face and said "Don't do that again".

There was such hatred and excitement in his voice. But that wasn't what scared her the most. She knew that a monster was responsible for the murders, not John, but hearing such hate come out of John's body, in John's voice, was the most terrifying thing she had ever experienced.

John's weight shifted on top of her. She could move her leg. With her strength she jerked her knee upward. The weight on top of her was gone. Helen quickly got up and started to run. She yanked open the door and ran into the hallway. She started running toward the front door. If she could just get outside, she could find someone to help her. Suddenly, she felt herself being hurled against the wall.

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><p>John watched in horror as Helen hit the wall and crumpled to the ground. He walked over to her. The blood lust had grown stronger the more she fought him. He lifted her to his eye level. His hand around her neck, he pinned against the wall.<p>

He brought the knife up and carefully cut the neckline of her dress, exposing her milky white skin. There were tears threatening to fall from Helen's eyes. He made a shallow cut below her collar bone. The sight of her blood excited the thing. It wanted more. It always want more. Helen tried to get away and the monster plunged the knife into her right shoulder. She cried out in pain as blood poured from her wound. There was blood on his hands now. Her blood. John felt sick. She had given up. He saw it in her perfect blue eyes. She had accepted that she was going to die at the hands of the man who was supposed to always protect her.

"Any last words?" The monster asked Helen. She looked into his eyes and spoke the only thing she could think of...


	4. Inner Demons

**I am SOOOOO sorry for not updating. I really don't know what happened. I wouldn't blame you if you don't even want to continue reading, but in case you do here's the next chapter. :)**

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><p>Helen Magnus had given up. She stood, pinned against the wall of her parlor, by the man she loved. The man she was supposed to marry and live happily ever after with. Instead she was going to die by his hand. She looked into his eyes and could see both excitement and sorrow in the eyes. The monster within John used his voice and asked "Any last words?" She felt defeated. There was nothing left she could do. Maybe it would better if she just died now, to be put out of her misery. But...<p>

She looked deep into his eyes once more. "John. _Please._ Fight it." She leaned in to him slightly to whisper in his ear; "I'm pregnant." She leaned back into the wall again and waited for death. Tears streaming down her face for the life her unborn child would never have. She closed her eyes.

Nothing happened.

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><p>Helen spoke to him. To him. She didn't plead with the monster. She was talking to him. <em>'Because she still believes I can stop it' <em>thought John. Even after all the awful things he had done, she still believed in him. "I'm pregnant" she whispered in his ear. Pregnant? His Helen? John looked through his own eyes to see what the monster had done to his Helen. She was bleeding from her shoulder and her face was bruised and she was pregnant. He felt a sudden surge of energy and hate toward the thing. He wasn't going to let it kill Helen. He yelled at the monster to stop. He screamed at the top of his lungs. Anything to distract it so Helen could get away. He promised blood to it. Not Helen's blood, but the blood of more whores. This was what worked. The promise of blood. The monster craved Helen because it shared a body with John, but when it came down to it, any blood would be satisfactory. John felt the monster calm, lowering the knife, and finally he was in control once again. He looked at his beautiful Helen with her eyes closed, tears falling from beneath her lids. He could not help, and did not care, as tears flowed freely from his own eyes.

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><p>Helen slowly opened her eyes. She was startled to see that the monster was crying. No. Not the monster, John was crying. In a barely audible whisper she asked "John?" He looked at her and she saw it in his eyes. John was in control once more. She quickly moved out of his grasp. The minute she was free of him, he teleported. Without a word he was gone and Helen was, once again, alone.<p> 


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